just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
