cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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