Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
