He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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