look no pants
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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