I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
