All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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