I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
