We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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