my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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