I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
