garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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