I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize