I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Randomize
