KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You're like the curious george of whores
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
