This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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