Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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