I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
