Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize