So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
