I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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