The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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