i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
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