When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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