Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
