Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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