If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Did I show you my penis last night?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
