i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
