life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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