i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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