my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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