During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
