so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
