dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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