there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
And then he peed in my hair
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