she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
