just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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