ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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