You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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