Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
