Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
