he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
