he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
