Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize