she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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