walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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