He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
