I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
