the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
