My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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