my phone needs a breathalizer
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
