I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
