So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
