well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
