It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
