So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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