when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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