butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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