she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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