how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize