please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
