am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize