I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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