I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
