Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
