Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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