would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
