my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
