If you die in college, do you die in real life?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
